giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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