I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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