I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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