You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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