i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
