i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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