I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
