I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
