do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think i got beer on your cat.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
