btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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