my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
