I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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