wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
