The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
