Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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