I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
