She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is the high leading the old right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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