you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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