Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
