does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
