So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
