Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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