NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
