My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
