is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
