Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
