It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
