i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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