You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize