but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
