I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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