I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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