Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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