I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
