Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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