Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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