Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
