She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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