He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
