I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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