also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
