I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
