Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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