it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize