Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
