Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
