I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
