I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
