You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
