"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
