Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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