Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
