Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
