you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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