Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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