Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
