mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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