My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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