Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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