You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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