I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
