ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
