I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
honey bunches of taint.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
