I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
