Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
