woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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